Feel so so lost
dA Love
Thursday will be the 1 year anniversary of my moms death. I am so depressed and lost. I just can't stop dwelling on the last 10 minutes of her life. It's like a movie in slow motion. I have so many regrets like not calling her at the rehab home that last month of her life because I knew she was confused but she had a broken pelvic bone and I figured she would pull through it like she did everything else she had. I didn't expect her to develop blood poisoning and to be told she was better off to no longer be kept alive. I hate myself that I never called. I relied on my step-dad to keep me informed. I could have told her I loved her so many times that last month. When I finally got to her she was incoherent and didn't even know I was there I don't think. I am so sad right now that it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I thought time heals all wounds but I feel like just when I am getting somewhere "BAM" I am back in a funk again. I miss her so bad. I want to hear her voice and laugh with her. Am I ever going to feel good again?
Devious Comments
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...in my bed.
"We laugh and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away: right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment." - Audrey Niffenegger (The Time Traveler's Wife)
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"And, finally, what good to us is a long life if it is difficult and barren of joys, and if it is so full of misery that we can only welcome death as a deliverer?" - Freud
I had a very similar situation with my dad, he'd been ill for a long time but noone knew just how bad it actually was. And when the end came it was fairly quick, but not quite quick enough. To see the man who had been my hero for most of my life reduced to almost a vegetable was hard. And I regret all the things left unsaid to him. Theres nothing I can do about it though, so I remember him during his time in the army, our life out in Germany - him getting me a parascending course for my sixteenth birthday. It makes it a little easier.
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And that goes just.....there.....(BIIIIG smile)
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Proud member of: *Apophysis, ~artsweetart, *ColorfulArtClub, ~op-art-club, ~luciddreamers and *PsychedelicTreasures. Check out the remarkable work of my friends. There are good people out there! Peace.
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Please visit my
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
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Please visit my
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
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Please visit my
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
--
Please visit my
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
--
"And, finally, what good to us is a long life if it is difficult and barren of joys, and if it is so full of misery that we can only welcome death as a deliverer?" - Freud
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